day four, sigh...........i really do miss u, i hav been thinkin for days, n i learn a lot, and realise that u r special to me, u r so understandin, caring and honest to me...i really miss those days where u r so outspoken, telling me everything, from those happy things to sad....i hav a lot to share with u, but lately when i wanna say somethin, i turn to my left and right only to realise that u r not here with me, such an emptiness in me....its different than talkin to my frens....argh....i really regret all that i hav done..its killin me i dun wan to lose u.......since yesterday, i really wanna grab the cigaratte to smoke whenever my frens smoke...they too are depress but al of then stop me from smokin, for the first time in my life, i feel that smokin does no harm to my body......im not feeling sad, but i hate myself for doin dis to u b.....i shud hav appreciate u more, but i din....and i regret it................four days...i have been drivin like mad, speedin, and drove to damai, lundu and seven mile....at the speed of 80-90 km........i like that but i was warned by my frens not to drive like that...and i have been listenin to my mp3..all my linkin park collection.....im like crazy guy havin fun playin around hangin out everyday...but in the end i still cant help thinkin of u...went to waterfron to have a chat with my bro, DJ.....and went to da lai to drink beer just now......its also the firsttime i drink beer not because i enjoy drinkin, but  i wan to relieve my depression..but i do control myself from gettin drunk....i dun wan my parents to worry about me.....i do love them a lot, but i just dun feel like wanna tell them about this.....b: if u r readin this.....u mean a lot to me....but i wont wan to get u attached to me.....like u said no point gettin into a relationship when u cant be with ur other half......i wan u to enjoy ur teenage days......but still i wan to be in close contact with u....i will wait for u.......b i dun mean to disappoint u....i care about u..i dun mean hurtin u..........my days r numbered here.....i wan to hav a heart to heart talk with u.....but i respect wadever decision of urs...i hav to respect wad u want n not just about myself........

btw...i heard a story about long distance....its between our marketin ppl, vitcoria and her bf......they hav gone thru three years of long distance...she said it was not easy but she fully trust her bf that he wont do anythin that would hurt her....until now...they are in stable relationship.....goin to get married soon....so happy for them.

countdown......8 days to go b4 i go kl...sigh